Fantasygerard2000

Sup peeps

With new years coming around the corner, i just wanna say a few words surrounding my 'current situation.'

First off, i am not officially back. Just because i started writing journals informing my viewers and watchers about my absence for over a year, doesn't mean i'm back at uploading again when that is not the case.

Second, i am active on my facebook, twitter, tumblr and discord tho I don't engage as much as i do in my main art accounts. I recently upload traditional art on my facebook, they are not exactly as good as my old traditional art as i plan on digitalizing those pieces.

Speaking of which, i sorta recently gotten into a creative rut when it comes to drawing lately. I pretty much drew most of my ideas onto paper, made even new characters i wanna show. There are some ideas I haven't drawn yet, it's just this burnout on drawing so much on a traditional medium that i need to get my over a year ago sketches to be digital and colored. While i can start drawing on a new idea like a TF comic i've had in my head for days, i just don't have the motivation to do so. Maybe i will, i have doubts its gonna be soon:

Thirdly, the computer still hasn't been fixed yet, and i have doubts that my dad is ever gonna fix it soon. Let alone but a new one cuz computers are, no cap, hella costly. Even a simple cheap old laptop would cost me an arm and leg. Right now, the state of the computer is a mess to best describe it. Its parts are removed and are placed around the house. The desk is collecting dust and cat fur.

And, that's pretty much it. Right now, my options, which are limited, is to try and be optimistic about getting a new computer or laptop soon, which hasn't exactly been working since my computer broke last November. Right now, i am hoping that at least some family members send me an old but functioning laptop that i claim sole ownership for because let's be real here, if you have a long butt project you are forced to put on hold for a long time, and when you have the unlimited free time and chance to finish it, sharing that time isn't exactly gonna bring out the sunshine and puppies in you.

I apologize for this journal's tone. Writing it has made me loose some steam i've been holding in for months. As much as I don't like being unable to share a complete drawing again, i am somewhat relief at the pressure of being committed to post art on a unscheduled schedule. Still, i do miss interacting with my fellow artist peeps. There's just so much to do and thinking about them too much is stressing me.

To end on a somewhat brighter note, i all wish you readers a jolly holiday and a happy new year. Keep up the best of what you have and can do. Be sure to help and encourage others in need when it.

Stay safe, and stay creative you little creatures.

Hola.

So, it's been like a year since i last upload my latest art. Well, it ain't exactly my latest since, i posted it like one year from now.

Anyways, if there's any of my watchers asking where i've been. Here's why.

I already explained this in my previous journals, which were also a year ago, but here's a recap. Last November, my family computer broke down and won't turn on. This isn't the first time any computers i had and own decides to put itself into a coma. I had numerous laptops that worked functionally til they didn't. Either the battery chord was too loose, it's an old model that's easily overheated or like my last laptop, buggy as hell. But, this one is like the final boss of computer malfunctions i had faced previously. Because it was the family computer and while it had been rebooted many times before, even have certain parts repaired and replaced, but alas. It decides to kick the bucket.

Now, i'm no expert on computers to know why it ain't working like it used to. Basically, it can turn on, the monitor displays some logo it was made from, the CPU lights up and the fan does it thing and then, nothing happened. Just a black screen and there's nothing what my dad can do. The computer used to just shut down and restarts automatically before, same thing happened to my previous devices, this one is just much of a bigger issue then the previous times.

My dad told me that we're pretty much need to replaced the whole thing, and buying a new computer is a lot more costly.

So, yeah. I had to unexpectedly say goodbye to my files, my games and my art again.

After that, i have gotten into a sort of depression. I used to try wake up early just so i can be the first to sit down at the computer to either check my notifications and work and post art, but what was the point to get up early when there's nothing to do at that time. Well, chores just so your mom won't yell at you for doing them later but still, i was very pooped out for months. At that period, my mood to draw was just gone. For months i just hole my self up in my room, laying in bed and distract myself from anything related to art cuz it reminded me on how much i was missing out on things and how some ideas i had on paper won't be post digitally later. And the fact that my computer broke during the rise of A.I art didn't exactly help. Many artists i follow leave to other art sites i do not have an account on. So yeah, i was hella bummed out with no plan and no motives. Just waiting and hoping for something good to come into my life.

One day, i snapped myself out of that state. I thought about how mopping around ain't gonna bring you a miracle. I had a list of art ideas i wrote that needed to be drawn, so in order to get myself out of that misery burrito, i picked up my supplies and draw. And my passion to draw has been restored.

Well, mostly restored, because even though i crossed out most of the things on my art list and filled up at least two sketchbooks, there's this need to finish them digitally. Cuz after you spent a year of not having your drawings having color on them, you gettin cray-cray. And while my art looks fine, it just ain't to me at least cuz these pieces are meant to be drawn digitally. Still, i just continue to draw and post them on my facebook and some discord servers i was in. And if you're wondering why I couldn't just post them as they are, i can but couldn't. Cuz without the major things like lighting and colors, these pieces lack context. Also not helped that app version of DA is hard to navigate.

Okay, here's the part where i talk about self reflection and how spending a year not being able to be active on a site you have your main art account can change you, and boy it did.

Looking back at my experiences throughout the years, i was pretty much not a good person mentally and socially. As much as i want as many friends to make and share art, it comes with this unrealistic expectation that just because you're being nice to one artist and make fanart of them, doesn't mean they're gonna do the same thing back to you. This is called parasocialism, and after learning about it and looking back at my experiences on art, that's when hindsight was at its peak. Not just to some people who follow me, but to myself as well.

We're all lonely in a sense that we needed to be in a group, a kind with others that share the same interests with you. However, while this may sound idealic, it has its issues that we overlooked because accepting that a person you follow doesn't like the things you like and in general was never a good person is difficult. We all cling to this idealized comfort, but we're only suffocating ourselves.

As much as i like to make art for people i like because seeing them happy makes me happy, i need to stop that otherwise i delude myself into thinking that they'll repay me. Relationships are not transactional, and i come to realize that very late, but i'm glad i learned it anyways, even if it means no longer enjoying the things i used to enjoy.

So, present time. Not being to draw digitally sucks more orbs than a blackhole can but since it's been a year this whole thing started, i am pretty much in contempt about it cuz i can still post my art, it's just not on my main art accounts and not as elaborate as my digital pieces, but i can still share my art.

My current goal is to just finish my art ideas list so that once i am able to have my own laptop, i can work on them digitally and post them cuz, they're a lot.

And also when i am able to return to DA, there's going to he some changes. An example is unfollowing artists, whom are great and talented, but are just people whom i don't remember seeing their work a lot or even posting. So, less is better.

I'll also be deleting some old art and journals. While it's nice to see my improvement, they were made during a period where i was not exactly proud of or have unpleasant experiences in hindsight.

As for things related to fandoms, i'm just gonna engage with them less because after the things i know this year, it's best to be at the right distance.

So, yeah.

Peace out.

Hey readers

If ur wonderin why i haven't been active on this site, its because my computer hasn't been repaired since november last year

This journal is to inform people that i didn't left of sorts, just didn't frequent it as i did on a computer

So yeah, i'm not dead or anything, just going through some stuff atm

I do miss interacting with some peeps here and posting art

Pretty much bummed out that i been missing out on some uploads by my fellow artist friends

Hopefully, my computer will get fixed soon or just get a new one cuz it old af

Btw, i been active on facebook and twitter, just lettin u know

This has been FG, hope to see u soon

It's no surprise that Disney has become a subject of controversy and ridicule. Largely because they are the most powerful and the richest company within the entertainment industry that they literally bought the rights to two of the most popular franchises. While, i am not entirely against Disney, they do made some pretty shady practices towards some of their movies. And while i am against those practices, i am fully aware that it's only a few minor but powerful people who engaged those practices, not the whole company. And some of people there aren't as shit as you like to think just because a work they produce isn't to your liking. Today's topic is recent and 'controversial' as people like to put it, largely because it's a 'game changer' as some would describe it. Which isn't actually new and here's why.

So, the new teaser for the upcoming live action Little Mermaid was released and there are two reactions. Black people, mostly kids, happy that their favorite character is the same race as them; and sad sacks of shit throwing a tantrum over the cast of a black woman playing a character who is white on default. Now, let me get this out. The casting of a black person playing a white character, or a characters whom are commonly seen as white isn't exactly new.

Back in 1997, black singer and actress Brandy played the lead role of Cinderella in a made for TV film. Now, the reason why that it didn't have a backlash as Little Mermaid has was because the film was an adaptation of a musical, the second film adaption made back in 1957. If you wanna go even further, here are some examples of media that has PoC actors playing characters that were originally white. The recent Beauty and the Beast broadway has two black actors as the lead roles. Frozen broadway has a black actor playing Kristoff and even a filipino actress as Elsa in one run. Anastasia recently has black actors playing the Romanov family. Hamilton has mostly a PoC cast playing fictional versions of white historical figures. Heck, Ariel was even played by Moana's voice actress in one TV event.

Now, the other reason why the Little Mermaid got a lot of hate is because of Disney's live action remake thing going on. Disney has been banking a lot of money with these remakes and the products they produced have been a subject of ridicule, with people saying the movies are shallow copies of the original. These films, some of them anyway, aren't exactly as bad as these people say they are. They say that they aren't as lively and colorful as the original, because of course they aren't. These are live action films so of course they can't be as animated as, well the animated versions. In fact, some of these movies made improvements over the originals because some of the originals are problematic because they were made back during a problematic period. If you wanna stick to the original, then stick to the original.

The casting of Halle Bailey as Ariel has been met with mix reception since it was first announced. People are saying it's Disney going woke like as i said above, but like i what i said, it's not about casting her because of her skin, they casted her because of her talent. Ariel's voice actress even supported the casting and said that the character is more important, not the skin color.

Now, the defense people say is that 'mermaids can't be black' is just straight up bullshit with racist undertones and here's why. Let's start with the mermaids thing. Mermaids have been in myths since well back in ancient greece, but people seem to forget that other countries have myths about mermaids. In fact, these countries also have fairy tales similar to the ones Disney adapted into films. The earliest version of Cinderella takes place in Egypt told by the greeks, even includes the footwear thing.

And the other defense is the whole double standard thing in which the SJWs have regarding changing a characters race in which turning a white character black is okay while vice versa is not. Like, they legit bring up the question what if Disney made Tiana white. And the answer is fucking no and thank you for admitting your stupidity. First of all, Tiana's race plays a little role within the story, that being her wanting to own a business and people telling her she can't because of her 'background'. Had she been a white woman, then the film would've about feminism, especially since the film takes place in 1920s. Her being black makes her stand out as because she is inspired after an actual person. And second, Princess and the Frog isn't that old enough to warrant a live action remake and Disney is fully aware of the heavy backlash if they were to cast a white woman as a black character.

If you are saying the mermaids can't black, then what you are actually saying is that Halle Bailey cannot play Ariel because of her race. Tell me other reasons why she can't be Ariel, without the tint of racism, because that is very disgusting. Think back of those black kids who watched the teaser with joy upon seeing Ariel, because what you said is basically telling them is that they cannot be a person they look up and are inspired to become like, because of their skin color.

The fact of the matter is is that the backlash against The Little Mermaid is just blatant racism. For the people saying Disney is 'ruining their childhood' then they must've had a sad sheltered childhood if a casting of a PoC is what sets them off into throwing a tantrum. This is considering the fact that the teaser was only released a few weeks ago at the time of this writing and idiots are declaring it the worst thing Disney has made. Had they casted a white actress, it wouldn't have been 'terrible' now would it?

Hey, guys. Just wanna drop in to inform what's left of my viewers and fellow deviants about my sudden absence and return.

So, back in July, the family computer broke. Again. This has been a pattern with some of my electronic devices going back as far as 2016, i believe. If i recall correctly, a brownout struck for around a whole day. When the electricity was back, the wifi was gone so i had to resort to playing games on the pc. Then, to add more salt to injury, the wifi went back right as the computer gave me the middle figure and went to night-night mode.

Anyway, with this being the fifth time this happened, i stick to my phone to catch up on stuff like memes, news and trends.

If you were to ask; why didn't i just use my phone to go to my accounts and check my notifications daily? Well, it was shit to navigate. Mostly with the case of DeviantArt being known for as an app, that and the fact that i rarely use the app despite having installing it a year ago.

Aside from the computer issue, i had a mental breakdown due to issues that are way too much of a mess and embarrassing to write here. So, no bugging me about it. So, if you're thinking i am officially back and that i can continue of my art again? No. I can't entirely trust that the computer is fixed and that i can just hop in like nothing happened. A friend of my bro's had to reboot the computer twice during this one month. My files are still here, thank sweet baby jesus in a stable, but some programs are missing like MS Paint, my main art program as well as photo viewer and medibang. It's going to take a while for me to get back into art until the programs are reinstalled.

But, there's another issue.

Ever since the computer broke, i haven't been in the mood to draw during a whole month. Basically, a type of minor depression, as close as i can describe it. While i could have just pop out my sketchbook and doodle some things, i didn't wanna force myself into just draw just because i need to. I do have some ideas to draw, just my current situation is preventing me to be in the mood for it. Hopefully, once the computer is fully restored with, i plan on doing requests to try get myself into drawing again, with some little nudging of drawing things out of my comfort zone and maybe some minor NSFW. And, no, this is not a signal for you to go straight into the comments asking if i can add you as a first in my request list.

Anyway, hope this cleared things out. Sorry for dropping off like that. Believe, i have so much catching up and cleaning my notifications. Miss you guys. FG, lights out.